Dear Pope Francis,
I have two very close friends at home, and sometimes we’d go for a walk and make God laugh by telling each other the plans we made for our lives. I don’t know if we actually made God laugh, but if there is one thing that I learned from those conversations, and my own life, it’s that generally when I make a plan, God has something else that’s much better in mind. Somehow, despite experiencing this over and over in my life, and hearing about it happening in other people’s lives, I still have a hard (more like virtually impossible) time just letting go, and giving God the space to work.
I am reminded of all those evening strolls along the boardwalk, or late nights around the campfire for two reasons. One, I am feeling a little homesick for summer on the East Coast, with salt-water beaches, BBQ’s with family, and late night s’mores made with peanut butter cups (seriously, you need to try it!). Secondly, and more importantly, I don’t know where God is calling me right now.
I had this brilliant plan, that I’d find a job, work for a bit, go to Europe, come back, work some more, and then go home to the East Coast for a week or so. I’d get back just in time to start school and I’d have tons of great stories to tell my friends about my awesome summer. However, only some of that come to fruition. I went to Europe and came back. I’m not working anywhere yet, and I haven’t booked any flights home.
As school was ending, I had several things I had to sort out for the next year or so, most importantly classes, school-year employment, extra-curricular involvement, and summer employment. I distinctly remember praying that I trusted God to know what I needed for the coming months, and that He would take care of me. Now, here I am, in the middle of it, with the first three things more or less sorted out, but nothing for the next eight weeks.
My challenge right now is letting God have the space to do his work. I trust Him and His plan, however, it is so hard to let go and see what happens. Perhaps harder is letting go of my notions of that the next several weeks need to look like. Sure, I had a plan, and I’m already frustrated with myself for not working harder to make those plans happen. Somewhere, in the recesses of my mind, I am reminded that God is going to take care of me, and that His plan is going to be great. That voice is hardly more than a whisper right now, and it is frequently drowned out by the voice telling me that I’ve failed because I don’t have a job for the summer, or the voice that is encouraging me to run away from the problems that not having a job poses. These voices are also making it incredibly difficult to do something meaningful with this time, like settle into work on my writing projects or get a jump start on some school work. These things aren’t meant to be my primary activities, they are going against my plan.
I don’t want to put words in God’s mouth, but if I can let go of my pre-conceived notions of what the summer is supposed to be, then maybe I’ll leave some space for God to speak, and I’ll find out what he actually has planned.
Trying to let go (which is easier said than done),