Dear Pope Francis,
I have been reminded lately of the power of words, both to build people up or tear people down. Perhaps more importantly, I’ve been reminded that I’m not immune to their power. Not only can I use my words to build others up, or tear them down, but I can also use my words to build myself up or tear myself down.
Words are important to me. When something big happens, good or bad, I like being able to talk it through or write it out. Both of these methods help me to process what happens in my life and make sense of how God is working. However there also comes a time when I just need to stop talking about things and let them go, whether or not I think they’ve been resolved.
I have been doing a lot of soul searching, while things in my life have been changing, and, while some of it has been positive, other parts have created a lot of pain and hurt in the last couple of months. I’m grateful for the people who’ve helped me in many different ways, chief among them letting me vent and offering words of wisdom. However, I’ve reached a point where talking doesn’t help anymore. It just stirs up the hurt and leaves me feeling worse. I need to let the past be the past and move on.
Continuing to talk about everything now would be like picking at a scab. Scabs get itchy and irritating as they heal, and I have a hard time resisting the urge to scratch. Many times I will scratch and pick, which only opens the cut, and ultimately means that it will take longer to heal and is more likely to scar. Continuing to talk about the hurt and pain of the last couple of months is like scratching at a scab. I want to talk about it, but all it does is open the hurt up, meaning that it takes longer to heal and is more likely to leave me with a scar on my heart.
Not only do picking at scabs mean that it takes longer to heal, depending on how close the cut was to healing, it will hurt to pick at it. Continuing to talk about the hurt just stirs it all up and makes me feel the hurt all over again. In many ways, I am reliving the hurt feelings by talking about them, and I am using my own words to inflict the hurt on myself by choosing to continue talking about it. Instead, I need to stop talking about it, and let it go (cue Frozen soundtrack)
Maybe there will come a day in the future when I can talk about everything objectively, and look back on this time as a necessary growing pain, a hard time that I got through that ultimately made me stronger. However, for now, I need to stop scratching, stop talking about what happened and the importance of moving on, and actually start the process of getting on with my life. I can’t think of a better time to start, since it’s finally starting to feel like spring, and tomorrow is the beginning of a new month.
Sitting on my hands so I won’t scratch any more,