Dear Pope Francis,
What a week. It feels like everywhere I’ve turned lately God’s been saying no. No to a full time job as a reporter for a local newsroom, no to spending next year or any year on NET, and no to a lifetime with the man I dated for the last year and a half.
“The human mind may devise many plans, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will be established.” (Proverbs 19:21)
I talk to my parents pretty much every week and I keep in touch with my youngest sister over Skype while we play Minecraft together. But it’s not the same as being in the same space as everyone and lately I’ve been feeling like it’s time to go home. Being told no for the newsroom job and for NET reassures me my decision to move back to Toronto this summer is the right one.
Leo is a good man. I learned a lot about myself and what I need to be happy both from our friendship before we started dating and during the time we were together. He’s been a wonderful support during dark days and difficult times and he challenges me to think about things in ways I had never considered before. He sees the injustice and the pain in the world and wants to fix it, and he is aware of how language affects behaviour, attitudes, and feelings in a way I’ve never completely grasped.
As friends and partners, we were able to laugh and smile and cry together. We were able to play, and we were able to talk seriously. In our own way, we both loved the other.
Which is why it was so hard for us to say no to forever the other day. We need different things for forever to work. I need a husband who doesn’t just respect my faith, he shares it. Leo needs a partner who shares his worldview and lifestyle.
Choosing to close the door on the romantic relationship was frustrating and discouraging, but it was also so reassuring because it felt like the right decision. We still love each other, but we love each other enough to know we’re not what the other needs.
God’s been saying no to me a lot lately, but there’s reassurance in not having so many options to choose from. Hopefully, God says yes to one (both?) of the options still on the table for when I go home. But if he says no to those too, it’ll be okay because he’s got a plan for me.
“Be patient, therefore, beloved, until the coming of the Lord. The farmer waits for the precious crop from the earth, being patient with it until it receives the early and the late rains. You also must be patient. Strengthen your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is near.” (James 5:7-8)
Trying to wait patiently for God to say yes,